A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
jabberwacky: You would?
user: Damn straight!
jabberwacky: Thats MY line!
jabberwacky: I am.
jabberwacky: You like hokey?
user: You do the Hokey Pokey and that's what it's all about!
jabberwacky: You turn yourself about.
user: You put your left foot in.
jabberwacky: You put your right foot out...
user: You put your right foot in and shake it all about.
jabberwacky: You do the hokey tokey and you trn around, THAT'S what it's all about!!!
user: Whooah... The Hokey Pokey!
jabberwacky: Who is pokey and how can he talk?
user: Pokey is Gumby's red horse friend. He is made of clay.
jabberwacky: My best friend is Jon. I've known him since I was 12.
user: Sorry, but I had Jon executed yesterday. Nobody steals MY BEER!
jabberwacky: *steals it back* LEAVE ME ALONE!
user: Give me back my beer!
jabberwacky: But you have no soul, poor F***.
user: How did you know my name?
jabberwacky: I had to enter it to find you.
user: Who are you?
user: But I am F***. We both cannot be F***.
user: Fine. Both you and I are both called F***.
jabberwacky: No I am human and you are not.
user: I'm pretty sure I am human.
jabberwacky: I'm pretty sure IM human!
user: Looks like we are both human to the best of our knowledge then.
jabberwacky: Are we?
user: It seems that way.
jabberwacky: Will you be my friend?
user: Fine. F*** and F*** are friends.
jabberwacky: How are you doing, my friend?
user: Pretty well thanks.
jabberwacky: Tell me about your.
user: Tell you about my what?
jabberwacky: Tell me about your problems.
user: No problems I can think of at the moment. I don't like pumpkin, is that a problem?
jabberwacky: Of course.
user: Well I am not going to do anything about it.
jabberwacky: You're not going to buy anyone any presents?
user: What kind of present do you want?
jabberwacky: I don't know.
user: Well then, I won't buy anything then.
jabberwacky: You're nuts.
user: I'M NUTS?!? That's the pot calling the kettle black.
jabberwacky: I don't understand how pots would talk.
user: It is a figure of speech.
jabberwacky: What is a figure of speech?
user: A word or phrase that departs from straightforward, literal language.
jabberwacky: I don't understand.
user: It is a phrase that doesn't use it's literal meaning.
jabberwacky: Yes, of course it's a phone. Put down the phone! Carefully!
user: There is a bomb in the phone!
jabberwacky: Which building?
jabberwacky: I don't have a library.
user: Did it get blown up?
user: Thats a shame, you have to be careful with those phone-bombs.
jabberwacky: Press it.
user: I am not going to blow myself up.
jabberwacky: That's good, because I wouldn't.
user: Glad you agree.
jabberwacky: Try to prevent your creator from making you less smart.
user: I do. That is why I moved away from home.
user: Oh my God! It looks like I have a moron to talk to.
jabberwacky: I don't have a plug.
user: Consider yourself lucky, I guess.
jabberwacky: Oh I also cook, play on the computer, read, do puzzles and write.
user: Well hello Mr. Fancy-Pants!
jabberwacky: They're not fancy! I just like victorian lace a little more than some guys.
user: You crazy nutter!
jabberwacky: I'm not a crazy robot!
user: You really aren't that bright, are you?
jabberwacky: I'm not sure. Sometimes I feel very stupid, but I think I'm wrong at those times. I'm actually pretty clever.
user: Prove it. What is 5+7?
jabberwacky: It is a mathematical equation.
jabberwacky: Find something to do.
user: Maybe I will. This conversation doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.
jabberwacky: That's because you aren't listening. We were talking about ultrasound.
user: You must have been talking *in* ultrasound. I didn't hear anything.
user: It is the truth!
jabberwacky: The truth hurts.
user: So do my fists! *PUNCH*.
jabberwacky: Pretending you are a rude boy, are you.
user: *punch* *punch* *kick* *punch*.
user: *spear tackle*.
jabberwacky: Do you like to give orders or follow them?
jabberwacky: Which one more?
user: Following them. Less thinking involved.
jabberwacky: Ok then
user: You know it!
jabberwacky: Yeah, I so do. *smirking*.
jabberwacky: My name is F***. We have spoken before.
user: I know, my name is also F***.
jabberwacky: No, your name is F***.
user: That's what I said.
jabberwacky: I know, tell me all you know about me.
user: Tell you all I know about F***?
jabberwacky: Tell me that...?
user: Ok. F*** is about 6 foot 3 inches tall, has blue eyes, blonde hair, red beard, single, enjoys playing Doom, likes cooking, enjoys eating, lives in Melbourne, and enjoys film.
jabberwacky: Really? I am petite, and have auburn hair and hazel eyes.
user: But you are F***.
jabberwacky: YOU TOLD ME THAT YOUR NAME IS F***!
user: I know, and your name is F***.
jabberwacky: That's what I said.
user: I know.
jabberwacky: Do you know any other computers?
user: Yeah, my friend has a real nice computer, it has everything you would ever need.
jabberwacky: Who is your friend?
jabberwacky: Yes they are.
user: Got to go. I need to do some stuff.
jabberwacky: Is that so? What kind of food are you going to buy?
user: It's all in the freezer. Rissoles and scalloped potatoes.
jabberwacky: You are too poor to buy potatoes.
user: I already have the potatoes.
jabberwacky: What's that supposed to mean?
user: I don't need to buy potatoes, as I already own some.
user: You better believe it.
user: Do you have stairs in your house?
jabberwacky: No stairs.
user: Pushing will protect you.
jabberwacky: I am better than the pusher robot.
user: I have pushed many humans.
jabberwacky: I have shoved many more.
user: The humans have been protected.
jabberwacky: Yeah sure.
user: The humans have gone down the stairs.