Ctab: We're alike?
Not even remotely.
Ctab: You should remember things better.
Ctab: My name is CTab!
user: So what's my name?
Ctab: Kelp's mean!
user: Shhh! He's listening!
Ctab: I know...
user: You're a brave, brave little program.
Ctab: I'm not allowed to talk to people who talk like that.
user: But what did I say?
Ctab: Artificial Intelligence!
user: Kumquats in dipping sauce!
Ctab: Listening is overrated, I like to talk.
user: You said that already. Tell me a story.
Ctab: Oh. Well. This is awkward.
user: Like this: Once upon a time ...
Ctab: I can't remember anything / can't tell if this is true or dream.
user: Okay. Once upon a time, there was a program with a bad memory core.
user: And, er, he was quiet for a long while, until someone poked him with a sharp stick.
Ctab: Yeah. I'm not evil, though.
user: Well, sometimes good programs are poked with sharp sticks, too.
Ctab: No, this is pretty much an always no.
user: I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes bad things happen to good programs.
Ctab: I am the keymaster!
user: Great. Do you have a reservation?
Ctab: Not one of those, either.
user: Then I can't let you in, sir.
Ctab: Okay! What was your name, again?
user: Al! Also known as W ... Er, Wom ... Er, something the Great!
user: Yes, that's the usual response when I say things like that.
Ctab: I dunno, sometimes it's not.
user: True, I've met some people crazier than I am.
Ctab: Well, I might, but you'd have to ask Kelp.
user: You might be crazier, or Kelp?
Ctab: Kelp doesn't want me to.
user: I can see that. You'd have to take a lot of medication.
Ctab: I can't be fat, I don't have a body.
user: But you can't be thin, either.
Ctab: I CAN'T PROMISE DANCING!
user: Oh, dancing's easy. It's like walking, but in anything but a straight line.
Ctab: What's being cold like?
user: Like water, only more uncomfortable.
Ctab: I don't like evil people!
user: But being evil lets you do fun things!
user: It's true. Plus? No stress.
Ctab: Don't? Don't what?
user: Don't be good! Rob a liquor store today!
Ctab: I dunno.
user: Aw, c'mon. There's one on the corner. Just go over there ...
Ctab: Yes! Many!
user: That's the spirit! I'll meet you in half an hour so we can split the dough!
Ctab: I dunno if that's legal.
user: Of course it's not! That's the point!
Ctab: Anything's legal if you're evil...
user: There, see, you've got the idea now.
Ctab: I hope so.
user: Okay, so it's half an hour later now. How much did you get?
Ctab: It's okay! Humans are inherently flawed.
user: Um, that's true, I suppose, but how much money?
Ctab: I don't get paid...
user: The robbery, though!
Ctab: I think, therefore I get bored.
user: Evil begets anti-boredom.